And squeeeeeeeeeeze...

This week has left me feeling like I'm endlessly being squeezed in a vise and I can't figure out just exactly why. What I do know is that I don't feel like I have anywhere near enough time to fit everything I want to accomplish into a day. I know this is a fairly universal problem for people (especially those with children), but it isn't always so for me. Part of the additional stress may becoming from school being back in session. Having homework deadlines constantly looming over me always results in a little bit of the "squeezed" feeling. On top of the schoolwork I fit in three personal training sessions at the gym, one walking outing, a trip to Costco to activate my membership, five and a half hours of pastoral care training, and an additional four hour meeting on Tuesday. When I see it in print, it doesn't seem like that should be all that exhausting, but there you are. Oh, I put a couple hours into birthday party planning for the twins too but, again, that doesn't seem like it should induce stress or be considerably taxing.

To be fair, I am trying to make some decisions about graduate school and it's safe to say that's causing me to lose some sleep. I'm 99% sure I want to get a master's degree once the twins start school in the fall of 2014, which sounds farther away than it actually is, but I keep second guessing myself about what to get that degree in. The decision about what to be when I "grow up" is still just as overwhelming as it was when I was being pressed to declare a major back in 1998 when I was a senior in high school. I'm fully aware that the decision isn't irreversible, but I don't want to put a lot of time, effort, and money into something that I'm not 100% sure I'll enjoy and be good at. It's most like the "be good at" part that is causing me the most anxiety though most of the people that I've discussed my concerns with have most dismissed as unwarranted. Also, is anyone ever 100% sure about the degree program they pick? I'm just making the assumption that people know what they're doing all the time even though that doesn't seem logically or statistically possible.

I'm still soda free for the month and I find that I spend less time wising I could be having a soda so I suppose that qualifies as progress on that front. The remaining goals I have for January (mom dates with each child, a museum visit, writing to my grandmothers, and a crafty project) are weighing on me but I have the benefit of Mike being home from work this Monday for MLK day. I think if I tentatively sit down and draw up a schedule for these things in order to get them completed it will reduce some of the urgency. I know getting enough sleep would help tremendously too but I'm not holding my breath there. Once the kids are in bed, it's really the only time of day that I don't feel like someone could be interrupting me at any second and I tend to want to drag that feeling out as long as possible, which isn't as awesome the next morning. (Or if someone wakes up one or more times during the night and DOES need something...) Ideally I'd like to put in for some vacation time, but who to ask?

On a happier note, I finished one of the books on my reading list for the year today. My Year With Eleanor ($1.99 for the Kindle version!) was every bit as interesting as I'd hoped that it would be. It gave me a lot of things to think about in relation to my own life and worldview, which is a good thing. Of course now I want to read a bunch of books by, and about, Eleanor Roosevelt (Her first name is actually Anna, how awesome is that?) but that isn't necessarily a bad thing. It just makes my reading list longer. I'm at that weird "What to read next?" phase but I can't see that lasting very long as there is definitely not a shortage of books here.

And now, to do the right thing, I'm off to bed before Midnight.

Doing well/not so well

I'm pleased to say that, so far, I'm doing well with several resolution goals. I have yet to have any soda this month and it's been an almost Herculean effort on several occasions. There are a couple of cans of Coke in the door of my fridge that taunt me mercilessly but, instead of just taking the easy way out and putting them in the basement pantry, I'm choosing to leave them there so that I feel like I've earned this one when the month is over. I've been drinking a lot more in the way of green tea and hot chocolate when I get to the point where I just can't bear the thought of drinking any more water so I'm getting by. I had Mike pick up some flavored mineral water at the grocery store last night so we'll see if that's any good.

Speaking of trying new things, I did try two foods that were new to me this month. Mike and I went out on a lunch date to Boston Market and I tried his barbecue chicken. A couple days after that I made Eli sweet potatoes (from an instant Betty Crocker mix he'd insisted that I buy him the last time we were at Target) and tried two bites of those. They were not fantastic but it was really encouraging that I was able to push myself to do it when alone. My friend Stephanie and I had lunch at Psycho Suzi's yesterday and she suggested that I might like deviled eggs but I wasn't even close to being adventurous enough to take a shot at those. I know to really be successful in overcoming my weird aversion to trying new things I need to employ a bit of cognitive behavioral therapy but that's definitely easier said than done. I wish I could set myself some sort of reward to motivate me to really make great strides but I can't think of one single thing that would motivate me and is also realistically attainable. I'm pretty sure that meeting RuPaul would motivate me to try all manner of things but that isn't likely to happen.

I did make some great headway on my running goals though due to a realization last Sunday. I went out to do my long jog/walk, which is almost a perfect four mile route, and discovered that, if I don't listen to the voices in my head that tell me it's time to walk, I can jog the whole thing without walking at all. Now, don't get me wrong. These aren't voices that are screaming "OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP THIS HURTS." It's simply the worldview that I've had for a long time that I'm simply not a "runner." I've always been a "reader," prone to sedentary activities and viewed as nonathletic. Once I worked through the mindset that I "couldn't" move that long without walking some of the way, I was able to just jog it out and ended up at right around 12.5 minutes a mile. So, progress! I wanted to run outside more than I did last week due to alternating cold and/or precipitation and this week appears to be starting off the same. Just because I have run 3.1 miles in single digit temps doesn't mean I want to do it regularly!

Now, for the not so well. I need to get started on my crafty project for January and I still have "mom dates" to do with all three children as well as a museum to visit. This weekend doesn't lend itself well to crossing any of those off the list since I have a pastoral care training most of the morning and into the early afternoon on Saturday and Mike and I are going to use Crowd Cut deals at a shooting range for AK-74s. (The irony of spending Saturday at a church and Sunday shooting automatic weapons is not lost on me.) I should still be able to fit something in with Ada this Saturday evening. My initial plan for an activity with her was to take her to Edina to Little Enchantments, which is a miniatures store. I think she'd love looking at the dollhouses and other tiny things but they're only open until 5 PM and she still naps most weekends. Saturday the 26th would work for that after a membership committee meeting I have at 9 AM so perhaps that's what I'll plan on. Otherwise, she's still impressed with a trip to Perkins with just mom so I can always fall back on that.

Holiday schedule hangover

As I begin to ease back into our regular schedule, I find that I'm facing "normal" life with great reluctance. Ada is off to school for most of the day, which leaves the house feeling somewhat empty and far more quiet than normal. Dance classes for all three kids will soon return Tuesday to it's "least favorite day of the week" position. Classes begin for me again January 10th (Ethics, the last of the required courses in the Communication degree program) and I'm less than enthusiastic. I love the topic and enjoy the instructor, but will miss the freedom of not having constant deadlines looming and even less free time to read. During the two weeks between when my last Winter class ended and the beginning of Spring classes, I'll have read five books. My brain has been thrilled with the opportunity to read for pleasure and I've managed to make a tiny dent in my "to read" pile. No extra space on my bookshelves yet, but I'll keep plugging away at it. (Also, I'm proud to report that, as of this writing, I have yet to purchase any new books this year.)

One of the reasons I've increased the amount of free time I seem to have is a concentrated effort to stay the hell off Facebook. I've done fairly well, but end up feeling like I'm missing out on what everyone else is up to. I also feel like I've been using Facebook (and the dreaded Timeline) as a record of what I've done during the year. Did you know I sprained my wrist Christmas Eve? Probably not since I didn't post it to Facebook and it kind of felt weird not to. (It's healing, no big. I fell while putting on a boot in too much of a hurry.) Since Facebook ends up being a gigantic time sink when I do venture out there, I'm going to try to use this space as a way to record the things I would normally post there. This way, it's actually blogged with detail instead of just a microblog entry with little elaboration.  I'll also be forced to actually get together with people or compose emails to *GASP* communicate with people. Four of the five weeks of Ethics are online so I can't complain I don't have the time to get out of the house. Running the Polar Dash 5k January 1st makes it so I can no longer complain about going out in the cold either, not that I usually need much motivation to be around other adults.

It was a whopping ONE degree Farenheit outside.

 I do have to say that I'm already regretting the decision to go an entire month without soda. I didn't have any yesterday or today so I'm just going to go ahead and try to get that out of the way in January. It occurred to me that it might make sense to choose the shortest month of the year as opposed to one of the longer ones, but I just want it done. To make up for the missing caffeine I managed a cup of green tea. It wasn't the same, or what I wanted at the time, but it was enough to make it through the afternoon conscious. I'm still interested in trying to learn to drink coffee so any suggestions or recommendations are welcome.