This week has left me feeling like I'm endlessly being squeezed in a vise and I can't figure out just exactly why. What I do know is that I don't feel like I have anywhere near enough time to fit everything I want to accomplish into a day. I know this is a fairly universal problem for people (especially those with children), but it isn't always so for me. Part of the additional stress may becoming from school being back in session. Having homework deadlines constantly looming over me always results in a little bit of the "squeezed" feeling. On top of the schoolwork I fit in three personal training sessions at the gym, one walking outing, a trip to Costco to activate my membership, five and a half hours of pastoral care training, and an additional four hour meeting on Tuesday. When I see it in print, it doesn't seem like that should be all that exhausting, but there you are. Oh, I put a couple hours into birthday party planning for the twins too but, again, that doesn't seem like it should induce stress or be considerably taxing.
To be fair, I am trying to make some decisions about graduate school and it's safe to say that's causing me to lose some sleep. I'm 99% sure I want to get a master's degree once the twins start school in the fall of 2014, which sounds farther away than it actually is, but I keep second guessing myself about what to get that degree in. The decision about what to be when I "grow up" is still just as overwhelming as it was when I was being pressed to declare a major back in 1998 when I was a senior in high school. I'm fully aware that the decision isn't irreversible, but I don't want to put a lot of time, effort, and money into something that I'm not 100% sure I'll enjoy and be good at. It's most like the "be good at" part that is causing me the most anxiety though most of the people that I've discussed my concerns with have most dismissed as unwarranted. Also, is anyone ever 100% sure about the degree program they pick? I'm just making the assumption that people know what they're doing all the time even though that doesn't seem logically or statistically possible.
I'm still soda free for the month and I find that I spend less time wising I could be having a soda so I suppose that qualifies as progress on that front. The remaining goals I have for January (mom dates with each child, a museum visit, writing to my grandmothers, and a crafty project) are weighing on me but I have the benefit of Mike being home from work this Monday for MLK day. I think if I tentatively sit down and draw up a schedule for these things in order to get them completed it will reduce some of the urgency. I know getting enough sleep would help tremendously too but I'm not holding my breath there. Once the kids are in bed, it's really the only time of day that I don't feel like someone could be interrupting me at any second and I tend to want to drag that feeling out as long as possible, which isn't as awesome the next morning. (Or if someone wakes up one or more times during the night and DOES need something...) Ideally I'd like to put in for some vacation time, but who to ask?
On a happier note, I finished one of the books on my reading list for the year today. My Year With Eleanor ($1.99 for the Kindle version!) was every bit as interesting as I'd hoped that it would be. It gave me a lot of things to think about in relation to my own life and worldview, which is a good thing. Of course now I want to read a bunch of books by, and about, Eleanor Roosevelt (Her first name is actually Anna, how awesome is that?) but that isn't necessarily a bad thing. It just makes my reading list longer. I'm at that weird "What to read next?" phase but I can't see that lasting very long as there is definitely not a shortage of books here.
And now, to do the right thing, I'm off to bed before Midnight.
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